Funmi Akingbade
Couples should bear it in mind that having
problems with sexuality or erection does not mean that one is
physiologically or psychologically abnormal in any way. A man shouldn’t
allow his self-esteem and sex-esteem to suffer. The moment this is
allowed, the case becomes worse. Rather, it is better to abstain from
intercourse altogether for a period of time and married couples should
instead engage more in cuddling and nonsexual touches. Gradually, over a
period of weeks or months, depending on the couple, the partners would
have worked toward a more relaxing atmosphere and then intercourse will
naturally follow. This idea is to make sex a less-threatening experience
and to overcome the anxiety grip.
Couples can even add some spice to the
lovemaking by going to a different setting. They can change the routine
by trying out new positions. Stress arising either from performance
anxiety or from other life situations can worsen sexual disorder and
erectile dysfunction. Regardless of the cause, it’s difficult to enjoy
oneself when one has too much on his mind. Try relaxation exercises such
as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation, where you
consciously tense and relax each part of the body in sequence.
Feel free to express your feelings.
Marital difficulties are notorious contributors to sexual problems.
Anger, resentment and hurt feelings often spill into a couple’s sex
life, turning the bedroom into a battlefield. This situation is likely
to develop if partners don’t communicate. Share your feelings with your
spouse. This festive period is the best time to really relax because it
is full of fun. Use “I” statements, and keep the focus on your feelings,
instead of your partner’s actions. Doing a thorough housecleaning of
the relationship may very well clear the way for a healthier sexual
union instead of storing up emotional debris.
Don’t drink before sex. Drinking alcohol
or being drunk can significantly impair your sexual functioning. Try
once in a while to recapture your previous successful experiences. If
performance anxiety has undermined your confidence, thinking about
positive sexual relationships or experiences you have had in the past
may help boost your self-esteem. It may also convince you that you can
have a fulfilling sex life in the future. Involve your partner. Although
erectile difficulties originate with the man while sexual disorders
originate both from man and woman, these challenges are a married
couple’s problem and can be sorted out by the couple. If the problem is
not medical, there are many home remedies strategies.
Have a positive mind-set. Just as you are
so optimistic about every other life issue, believe that sexual
disorder and erectile dysfunction can be completely resolved. For many
of these sexual challenges, a few minutes visit to the hospital and
basic medical routine check-up may detect some underlying causes. When
they are treated, these ‘gigantic’ challenges easily become issues of
the past.
Eating up to 100g on a regular basis of
some of our common natural foods is highly beneficial in healing various
forms of sexual disorder especially in females and also increases
libido and sexual power in men. Some of the foods are Alfalfa sprouts,
pistachios, almonds, dried dates, walnuts, local popcorn, quince seeds,
salmon, garlic, wheat, black gram, honey, boiled egg, ginger, nuts and
white onions. Some of them are well packaged in capsule forms and are
available. If you need some of them, you can give me a call.
Natural therapies, like full body
massages with olive oil to the base of the penis, lateral sides of the
pubic area of the woman and hot baths done with coconut oil regularly
are home remedies that have done wonders.
Besides this, couple can adopt cooling
method remedy. This is best achieved during foreplay. When you caress
your wife and she fondles your penis with good lubricant, soon you will
notice that you will reach the point where you will be forced to tell
her, ‘’Wait…I am close to ejaculating, but I don’t want to ejaculate
until I’m inside you. So stop fondling me for a few minutes, I need to
cool.’’ But during those minutes, you will continue to caress her,
concentrate more on her nipples and clitoris [you can even suck them]
while she lets go of your penis for few minutes until you say, “okay,
fondle me again,’’ and soon after that you will tell her, “wait … I need
to cool again.’’ Repeat this ‘fondle-cool’ many times. [That is before
you enter her, she fondles your penis, but she doesn’t make you
ejaculate.] Then you enter her. Because she fondled you before entry
many times, this will help train you to the extent that when you
eventually enter her, you will not ejaculate too soon. Do not worry if
you have little success the first time you try the ‘fondle-cool home
remedy. It may take weeks. Just remember, before you enter your wife,
let her fondle your penis for a long time, but without making you
ejaculate. After some weeks, you will find that this is helping you to
slow down after you finally enter her. It will also help you to make
your wife climax.
Another home remedy is the PC muscle
exercise or Kegel exercise. This is helpful because it is very natural
and can be done anywhere anytime and as many times as possible. Kegel
exercise is all about squeezing the PC each time you pass urine. Why
urine? Because the PC controls the bladder and the urethra of the man,
it even spreads to the prostrate and the pelvic wall. All you need to do
is make sure you drink a cup of water every hour. This helps you to
visit the bathroom and as soon as you want to urinate, just make sure
you are not bringing out the urine at once. Divide the urine into three
and as soon as you push out the first part, stop and squeeze. Repeating
this over and over strengthens the PC cord and invariably reduces the
rush of the sperm leading to quick ejaculation during thrusting in and
out.
The masters and Johnson squeeze remedy is
also one of several techniques men can use to develop the ability to
control ejaculation and exercise weak penis. Ask your wife to caress you
to point of arousal. As soon as you get a full erection (not before
orgasm – just when you get a full erection), she should stop and put her
two index fingers under the base of the cap of your penis. The thumb
must be placed over the frenulum, which is the elastic band of the
penis; it connects the foreskin to the penis. She should then squeeze it
hard for about four seconds (she needs to squeeze quite hard), you may
even lose between 10 and 30 per cent of your erection because of the
squeezing. This is completely normal. Your partner should wait for 15-30
seconds after releasing the squeeze before starting to stimulate your
penis again. As soon as you re-gain a full erection, the squeeze
technique can again be done. This pattern can be repeated 4-5 times in
the first time. When you have done this a few times, it gradually firms
the tissues of the penis.
Questions and Answers
Is it normal to sweat excessively during and after sex?
I am one of those that have higher
preference for night sex. Until it is late into the night, I may not get
aroused or have any desire at all for sex. I am grateful to God because
my wife quickly adjusted to this. Sometimes I may wake her up from
sleep, have a hot sex and immediately, she will sleep off. But my
problem is this, I sweat excessively during and long after the act
regardless of the level of coolness in our room. Am I okay?
Mr. Mofutau Brown
Excessive sweaty night sex is not
related to any overheated environment. This may be as a result of
unknown several hormone disorders, osteomyelitis or tuberculosis.
Sometimes, it may be as a result of some symptoms of HIV infection. Some
medications are most commonly associated with night sweats, while many
cases are as a result of an idiopathic hyperhidrosis, a condition in
which the body chronically produces too much sweat especially during and
after sex without any identifiable medical cause. It will be a good
idea if you visit a medical practitioner.
Can I still look forward to erotic sex at 50?
I know we age with everything including
our sexual drive. But should aging affect desire? Does having
grandchildren pose a threat to my family moral structure? My husband
believes that since we have started having grandchildren, I am not
supposed to still look forward to having erotic or pleasurable sex
anymore. He says it is a sign of sexual perversion. He says instead, we
should agree on him getting married to a younger girl to satisfy his own
sexual needs while I teach her and my children’s wives how to be good
wives. Funmi, is this right morally and medically? Do the sexuality of
men change also or is it only those of women?
Mrs. Christiana Bibil
It is wrong morally and medically. It
is either your husband is so traditional or he wants to justify the
fact that he wants another wife with his own theory. Now the point is
this, as we age, we experience sexual changes and because sexuality
tends to be a private matter, it’s likely that you’ve heard less about
sexual change than any other element of aging. But the good news is
this, for most healthy adults, pleasure and interest don’t even diminish
with age. Most people are sexual throughout their lives. Around age 50,
men and women typically begin to notice changes in their sexual drive,
sexual response, or both. Like so many other physical changes, they
aren’t signs that you are losing your sexuality. Rather, these changes
are simply something to adjust to without bias.
As men begin to age beyond 50s, their
sex drive is minimally affected by age (although health problems,
certain medicines, or relationship stress can lower sex drive). Their
erections become less firm and tend to take more time than when younger.
They may be actually able to delay ejaculation longer than when
younger. But as women age beyond 50s, their level of oestrogen, androgen
and pegesterone drops as a result of menopause, causing physical
changes in the breasts and nipples. This may make it longer for a woman
to become sexually excited and less interested in sex. Sometimes,
because the skin may be more sensitive, she gets easily irritated when
caressed. And because the wall of the vagina has become thinner, sex may
be painful (but regular sex and good lubricant especially from the
husband’s tongue often help prevent this from becoming severe).
In conclusion, I think what both of
you should work towards is how to adjust to every age-related sexual
change you may be experiencing rather than one party taking a flight.
And with a little experimentation and patience, you can adjust to sexual
changes and satisfy your sexual and intimacy needs.
I am a young wife but turning ugly
I started using some form of family
planning injection on my arms because at 27 years, I am a mother of
three sets of twins. It is not only financially draining but I live in
and out of the hospital. Recently, I started noticing that I had
suddenly developed excessive growth of facial and body hair while I keep
losing the hair on my head. I am just 27 years old, I don’t have a
strand of hair on my head any longer; rather I have hair all over my
face and body. It is very embarrassing. Please, am I turning into a man?
Mrs. Itunu Oyejo
If you said you are on a family planning
injection, there would be a need for you to visit your family planning
officer or your doctor because your physical changes may be as a result
of the side effect of some of the family planning injection. For
instance, if you are on Depo-Provera, it may be the reason for the
excessive growth of facial and body hair and hair loss on the head.
Headaches, nervousness, depression dizziness, acne, changes in appetite
and, weight gain/ loss are some of the side effects. It is made up of a
hormone similar to progesterone and excess of it may not be ideal for
you.
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